By: Nick Hornburg
Via Google Images
This is an interesting time for soccer, seeing as an international break has concluded, and now every continent except Africa has completed their initial World Cup qualifying, so now all that remains before Russia are the last CAF matches, the UEFA playoffs and the intercontinental playoffs. But what happened during this break is now in the past, and I’m a man who looks to the future (read: I don’t want to talk about what happened in Trinidad last night), so let’s take a stab at predicting how the Premier League is going to go this weekend, shall we?
Note: All times are expressed in Eastern Time
Saturday
7:30 AM: Manchester United @ Liverpool: With how awful Liverpool has looked in the last month, they look overmatched at Anfield against a United squad that is missing Paul Pogba. Now that Sadio Mane is out for six weeks, they look very overmatched. Jurgen Klopp’s side is still capable of scoring at least one goal, but Romelu Lukaku would have a tougher time against exceptionally humid air than Liverpool’s defense. Manchester United 3-1
10:00 AM: West Ham United @ Burnley: West Ham has yet to win a game on the road, and with the way Burnley has been playing so far, I don’t see that changing. Also I think James Tarkowski used to be an axe murderer before he played soccer. Burnley 1-0
10:00 AM: Chelsea @ Crystal Palace: Palace has not yet scored a goal this season, and somehow they though Roy Hodgson would fix that. Three Chelsea players could be shown red cards in the first twenty minutes and Thibaut Courtois would still have the easiest clean sheet of his career.
Chelsea 4-0
10:00 AM: Stoke City @ Manchester City: City looks good. Very, very good. Stoke has yet to win a game away from home. They only question here is which of Sane, Sterling, De Bruyne, Gabriel Jesus or either of the Silvas score first. Is it a bad time to say that Aguero is still out?
Manchester City 3-0
10:00 AM: Huddersfield Town @ Swansea City: Huddersfield has cooled off considerably since the first month, and Swansea is sitting in the bottom three in the league and really misses Gylfi Sigurdsson. Draw 1-1
10:00 AM: Bournemouth @ Tottenham Hotspur: Something has to give: Tottenham hasn’t won a game at Wembley, and Bournemouth has yet to not lose on the road. Edge to Tottenham if only because Christian Eriksen is playing like the Danish Xavi for both club and country right now.
Tottenham Hotspur 2-0
12:30 PM: Arsenal @ Watford: This is exactly the kind of game that Arsene Wenger loves to lose. On the road with an injury-ridden back line against a better than expected Watford side. Alexis Sanchez and Alexandre Lacazette look good together, but will Wenger start them? It’s actually quite a sad commentary when you can’t guarantee that Wenger will start his two best available players when the defense really needs some insurance goals and Mesut Ozil is potentially still out with a knee injury. Either way, ArsenalFanTV will make a lot of money. Arsenal 2-1
Sunday
8:30 AM: Everton @ Brighton & Hove Albion: Neither club is particularly good, but if I learned anything this weekend, it’s that Gylfi Sigurdsson is a fantastic player. Also, I don’t think that Brighton realizes that the point of the game is to put the ball in the net. Everton 1-0
11:00 AM: Newcastle United @ Southampton: After a slow start, Rafa Benitez is reminding everybody that he is a very good manager, incompetent ownership be damned. Meanwhile, the only Southampton player worth mentioning (Virgil van Dijk) openly doesn’t give a damn.
Newcastle United 1-0
Monday
3:00 PM: West Bromwich Albion @ Leicester City: Will there be any offense played in this game? Leicester only plays on the counter and West Brom’s attack just involves moping around clumsily until they draw a set piece. I’m setting the over/under for number of times Tony Pulis disparages the referee at 5.5. Draw 0-0
Note: All times are expressed in Eastern Time
Saturday
7:30 AM: Manchester United @ Liverpool: With how awful Liverpool has looked in the last month, they look overmatched at Anfield against a United squad that is missing Paul Pogba. Now that Sadio Mane is out for six weeks, they look very overmatched. Jurgen Klopp’s side is still capable of scoring at least one goal, but Romelu Lukaku would have a tougher time against exceptionally humid air than Liverpool’s defense. Manchester United 3-1
10:00 AM: West Ham United @ Burnley: West Ham has yet to win a game on the road, and with the way Burnley has been playing so far, I don’t see that changing. Also I think James Tarkowski used to be an axe murderer before he played soccer. Burnley 1-0
10:00 AM: Chelsea @ Crystal Palace: Palace has not yet scored a goal this season, and somehow they though Roy Hodgson would fix that. Three Chelsea players could be shown red cards in the first twenty minutes and Thibaut Courtois would still have the easiest clean sheet of his career.
Chelsea 4-0
10:00 AM: Stoke City @ Manchester City: City looks good. Very, very good. Stoke has yet to win a game away from home. They only question here is which of Sane, Sterling, De Bruyne, Gabriel Jesus or either of the Silvas score first. Is it a bad time to say that Aguero is still out?
Manchester City 3-0
10:00 AM: Huddersfield Town @ Swansea City: Huddersfield has cooled off considerably since the first month, and Swansea is sitting in the bottom three in the league and really misses Gylfi Sigurdsson. Draw 1-1
10:00 AM: Bournemouth @ Tottenham Hotspur: Something has to give: Tottenham hasn’t won a game at Wembley, and Bournemouth has yet to not lose on the road. Edge to Tottenham if only because Christian Eriksen is playing like the Danish Xavi for both club and country right now.
Tottenham Hotspur 2-0
12:30 PM: Arsenal @ Watford: This is exactly the kind of game that Arsene Wenger loves to lose. On the road with an injury-ridden back line against a better than expected Watford side. Alexis Sanchez and Alexandre Lacazette look good together, but will Wenger start them? It’s actually quite a sad commentary when you can’t guarantee that Wenger will start his two best available players when the defense really needs some insurance goals and Mesut Ozil is potentially still out with a knee injury. Either way, ArsenalFanTV will make a lot of money. Arsenal 2-1
Sunday
8:30 AM: Everton @ Brighton & Hove Albion: Neither club is particularly good, but if I learned anything this weekend, it’s that Gylfi Sigurdsson is a fantastic player. Also, I don’t think that Brighton realizes that the point of the game is to put the ball in the net. Everton 1-0
11:00 AM: Newcastle United @ Southampton: After a slow start, Rafa Benitez is reminding everybody that he is a very good manager, incompetent ownership be damned. Meanwhile, the only Southampton player worth mentioning (Virgil van Dijk) openly doesn’t give a damn.
Newcastle United 1-0
Monday
3:00 PM: West Bromwich Albion @ Leicester City: Will there be any offense played in this game? Leicester only plays on the counter and West Brom’s attack just involves moping around clumsily until they draw a set piece. I’m setting the over/under for number of times Tony Pulis disparages the referee at 5.5. Draw 0-0
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