Oh, how quickly things change. Exactly two weeks ago, the Pistons were 33-33 and were coming off a fabulous stretch of basketball, leading many people to once again believe in the team and their potential. Many believers, including yours truly, were then hastily proven wrong over the next stint of games. And now, as the Pistons sit 1.5 games behind the Heat for the final playoff spot in the East with only 8 games to play, it truly is worse than it seems.
           Objectively speaking, the three game stretch of Cleveland, Utah, and Toronto was going to be incredibly challenging. At the time, however, one out of three wins felt like tempered expectations. Instead, the Pistons lost all 3 by a combined 58 points, capped off by a head-scratching meltdown in the fourth quarter against the Raptors in which the Pistons were outscored 27-9 in a 12 point loss. However, Pistons fans still had reason to feel optimistic, as they possessed the second easiest remaining schedule in the entire league. But once again, the Pistons surprised us. Next up came a home game versus the Suns, who only dressed 8 and kept out a number of their key contributors. Incredulously, the Suns outplayed the Pistons for much of the game and even led late in the 3rd quarter until the Pistons opened up a big lead in the final stanza to get an unimpressive, yet important win. Then the fun started. A Tuesday night matchup at Brooklyn resulted in a nail-biter between the Pistons (who were fighting for their playoff lives) and Nets (the…oh my word…worst-run franchise in the NBA and maybe all of sports). The Pistons were down 2 in the waning moments, and after a Marcus Morris miss, Tobias Harris caromed the rebound and was able to sink a mid-range fade away that he was triple teamed—and fouled—on. Yet 2.4 seconds was just enough time for Brook Lopez, who had another huge night against the Pistons with 29 points and 7 rebounds. Lopez took the inbound, dribbled towards the baseline, and put away the game, as he knocked down a jumper over Aron Baynes. The play was unquestionably horrifying to watch, and likely gutted many Pistons fans. Just in case you still planned on seeing playoff basketball at the Palace one last time, the Pistons made sure you came back to reality with back to back losses to the Bulls by 22 and the Magic by 27 following the Brooklyn loss. And just yesterday night they once again lost a must-win game, with a 14 point loss against the Knicks led by Derrick Rose putting up 27 points and 6 assists as Reggie Jackson was inactive for “rest” and will likely be shut down for the rest of the season.
           Two weeks ago one person, pleased to meet you, spoke about how SVG was to be trusted and that his decision not to trade Reggie at the deadline appeared to be the wise conclusion. Fast forward to today and it appears that the Season from Hell is ending in a fitting way. The soft schedule hasn’t been taken advantage of, and with the season eventually wrapping up with games against the Raptors, Rockets, Grizzlies, and Wizards before a season finale against the Magic, it seems nearly too late for the Pistons to turn it around in time. Even if they do sneak into the playoffs and play either the Cavs, Celtics, or Wizards, it would most likely be in vain. The team has appeared uninterested in playing recently and giving the fans a deserving farewell to the beloved Palace, and as a result, another quick and painless exit from the playoffs would be in order. That’s if the team even makes it in, and lately it appears that a move to enter a rapid tanking period over the next two weeks would be more beneficial than to chase a playoff spot, and it’s excruciating to admit. In October fans had dreams of taking another step in the conference, gaining potentially a top 4 seed, and advancing in the playoffs. Now, with only 15 days left of the regular season, it is difficult being excited for the 2017 prospects of the Pistons. Although if the team makes it into the playoffs, you can count on some folks (hello again) going all in on a mini-playoff run, that truthfully feels like a pipe dream. If things don’t turn around, we’ll have to hope Reggie gets healthy and that SVG makes a few beneficial moves for the franchise over the offseason and try this whole thing again next season (but likely without either Tobias or KCP). Until then, we wait. We wait to see if the Pistons have any more left in the tank to push for the playoffs or if they’ll just, plainly, tank.

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By: Evan Oesterle

We are in the midst of the most exciting time of the sports year. With the NCAA Tournament in March, followed by the Masters the second weekend of April, and then the NHL and NBA Playoffs through April and June, few sports fans would argue that there is a better four months of the year. College basketball fans have been entertained for the last five months by superstars, cinderella teams and Grayson Allen’s antics, but for the last two weeks the entire country has enjoyed all of that and more during March Madness.

Now March comes to a close with the Final Four beginning this Saturday (April 1st). It has been a thrilling month of basketball, cultivating with a phenomenal weekend of drama, buzzer-beaters, and SEC teams. Below you’ll find a brief recap of the weekend, along with takeaways and predictions moving forward.

16 Takeaways from the Sweet 16

1. All winning streaks come to an end. Michigan kicked off the Sweet 16 against Oregon on Thursday night. For casual fans without a (positive or negative) affiliation with the Wolverines, the first two games Michigan played in the tournament were probably some of the most entertaining battles of the opening weekend. For those of us who do have an affiliation with the school, they were nerve-wracking as hell. Thursday night was no different, as Michigan fell by a point to the Oregon Ducks. The narrative was the same at halftime as it was in each of the first two games: given how the Wolverines played, the halftime deficit seemed manageable. And Michigan did go on a run to take a 3 point lead late in the game. It seemed as though the team of destiny would move on just for a moment as Dylan Ennis’ free throw missed and bounced off the back of the rim with Michigan up 68-65 with under 2 minutes remaining. However, Jordan Bell grabbed the rebound and made the putback layup, putting the Ducks right back into the game. If you haven’t seen how it ended, you probably wouldn’t be reading this, so I will just say this: Derrick Walton Jr. put together one of the best 10 game stretches of basketball I have ever seen a player have in college basketball. If his last shot had fallen just a couple inches farther, the Kemba Walker comparisons would have started instantly. Both Walton and Zak Irvin elevated their play over the last month and silenced all doubters from earlier in the season. I’ve enjoyed both of their careers at Michigan and I wish them well as they move on to a new chapter in their lives.
2. Dylan Brooks and Jordan Bell are pro-ready. Casual fans probably wouldn’t have guessed that Brooks was the PAC-12 Player of the Year (in a conference featuring the (probable) first 2 picks in this summer’s NBA Draft and another surefire lottery pick) as he was probably Oregon’s 3rd best player in this game. However, he has played tremendously this season and he is going to be a good NBA player. He can score from anywhere on the floor and has the size to compete with talented NBA wings. On the other hand, it shouldn’t surprise anyone that Bell was the PAC-12 Defensive player of the year. He had an amazing game on both ends of the floor against the Wolverines and took DJ Wilson and Mo Wagner (see below) out of the game.
3. DJ Wilson and Mo Wagner are not pro-ready. Maybe I’m being selfish and just want them to stay at Michigan for another year, but both guys struggled on the offensive end in the game against Oregon. I don’t know if either player will go through the NBA pre-draft process (players have until late May to announce if they are returning to college), but at this point I’d expect both to return. IF they do, we are looking at a starting lineup of Xavier Simpson, MAAR, Kentucky transfer and former 5-star Charles Matthews, and two NBA level bigs. Couple that with a bench featuring Duncan Robinson, 4-star freshman Isaiah Livers and Jordan Poole, 3-star freshman Eli Brooks, and Michigan’s two bigs Jon Teske and Austin Davis. That’s a preseason top 15 team. Throw in Mo Bamba and that’s a preseason top 5 team. (Disclaimer: Mo Bamba is not going to Michigan)
4. Press Virginia almost took down one of the best (in terms of Kenpom efficiency measures) teams of the last two decades. But that last possession was one of the worst I have ever seen. I feel bad for Jevon Carter because he is a great player who played a great game. But how did he manage to essentially dribble the clock out down 3? I personally love defense, and West Virginia’s press is thrilling to watch, but they just did not have enough offense to take down Gonzaga.
5. Gonzaga is for real. Following a controversial win over Northwestern, Gonzaga faced its toughest test of the tournament against West Virginia and passed it (barely). They lost the rebound battle, the turnover battle, and took 16 less shots than the Mountaineers. They didn’t have a single player score more than 13 points. So how did they win? With the same stifling defense that has earned them the title of best defensive team in the country (again by Kenpom measures). WVU shot 16/60 (26.7%) from the field and 5/23 (21.7%) from 3. You can give up a hundred shots as long as they’re all well defended and that is exactly what Gonzaga’s mentality seemed to be. This whole weekend’s theme was defense and this low scoring slugfest was a prime example.
6. Caleb Swanigan is a great player with a great story, but he just didn’t have enough in him to take down the Jayhawks. I have considered him to be an overrated player all season, mainly because I think he makes his team worse on defense. He obviously has a diverse offensive skill set but I think he has major effort lapses that will hurt him at the next level. Purdue started out strong, holding it close throughout the second half, but were run off the court late in the game.
7. Let me explain what run off the floor means. Purdue cut Kansas’ lead to 53-51 shortly after the under-16 minute media timeout. From there, Kansas finished the game on a 45-15 run. The Jayhawks averaged over 90 points per game through 3 tournament contests. Everyone was on fire. That is all you need to know about Kansas from this game.
8. Sean Miller will forever be the President of the Best Coaches to Never Make A Final Four Club. I mean seriously, 11 seeded Xavier. One of his best teams ever. A lead for basically the whole game. It just isn’t meant to be Sean.
9. Only one region, the East, truly felt the effect of the first weekend in the Sweet 16. A Duke-Villanova Elite Eight matchup in Madison Square Garden must have had basketball media salivating. Instead they ended up with Florida v South Carolina. Wait, those are SEC teams. What in the name of football happened on Friday night?
10. Butler misses Brad Stevens. They were unknown as a 4-seed, and had two quiet wins before getting pounded by UNC. Were they the worst 4 seed? Probably. Could I name a player on their team? No. They just don't have the same swagger that they did when Stevens was at the helm. (Stevens may be one of the five best basketball coaches in the world. The Celtics are currently tied with the Cavs for the 1 seed in the Eastern Conference. Besides Gregg Popovich, Coach K, and Steve Kerr, who would you rather having leading your ball club? College or pro I would take Stevens.)
11. UNC shouldn’t have been in this game. I know this is supposed to be about the Sweet Sixteen, but anyone who watched the UNC-Arkansas thriller from last sunday knows that Kennedy Meeks got a piece of that shot and Joel Berry should’ve been called for a charge on the next possession.
12. South Carolina’s defense is as good as Gonzaga’s. I thought Baylor was gonna lose in the first round. But they didn’t and with some help from USC (knocking out SMU, a bad matchup for Baylor), the made the Sweet Sixteen. And then they wished they hadn’t. (The other) USC ran them off the court and just decided that they wouldn’t allow Baylor to score. Or have fun. Or have anything that resembled offensive rhythm.
13. As Stephen A. Smith said, Lavar Ball wrote one too many checks for his son Lonzo to cash. The pressure of the big game seemingly got to Ball and the Bruins. They never stopped Kentucky and after a close first half the Bruins were outclassed in the second half. (If the rumors that Ball’s mom suffered a stroke Thursday night and Lavar wouldn’t let Lonzo see her as to not distract him from the game are true, then Lonzo should get a pass for the game. I am already a member of the anti-Lavar club, because I think he has completely overstepped his bounds. I also hate the media for giving him the platform to do this on.)
14. If De’Aaron Fox had a jump shot, he would go first overall in the NBA Draft. I have never watched a player who is that much faster than everyone else on a college court. Stronger, more athletic, better at shooting, taller, etc. Yes to all of them. But Fox’s speed is just at another level.
15. I hate Aaron Rodgers, but I would be lying if I said I didn’t smile when Zak Showalter hit a running 3 under tight defense and then turned to Rodgers and did his classic discount double check celebration. I think it needs to be mentioned that if Bronson Koenig’s leg doesn’t get caught under a pile a possession earlier, Showalter never takes the shot. But he did, and then he celebrated his GAME-TYING shot the same way the SECOND best quarterback in the NFL celebrates clutch 4th quarter touchdown passes. Wisconsin had all the momentum and it translated to a lead for most of overtime. But then the Badgers couldn’t make free throws. And then Chris Chiozza one-upped Showalter in a way that I dream ever happens to Aaron Rodgers.  
16. Wisconsin-Florida was the best game of the tournament and it wasn’t even close. There aren’t any arguments that I consider to be valid against this statement, so I won’t defend it.

Eight Takeaways from the Elite Eight

1. Being labeled the Cinderella in any round of this tournament has been a curse. FGCU in the first round, MTSU and USC in the second round, Michigan (don’t tell Mo Wagner) in the Sweet Sixteen, and Xavier in the Elite Eight all fell after receiving the title, and major hype from various sports media outlets.
2. Gonzaga. Is. For. Real. Seriously, if any of the blue bloods of college basketball had a team that even closely resembled Gonzaga’s this year, I don’t think anyone in America wouldn’t have had them winning. They have an All-America point guard in Nigel Williams-Goss, two 7-footers, one of whom is 300 pounds and the winningest player in college basketball history (Przemek Karnowski) and the other of whom is going to be a lottery pick whenever he goes pro (Zach Collins), along with a supporting cast that would make the producers of Ocean’s 11/12 jealous. I am rooting for them to prove their legitimacy and make kenpom.com the new permanent gold standard of college basketball rankings. (Had the committee used kenpom to seed teams, Michigan and Oklahoma State would have both been 5 seeds)
3. The NCAA Basketball Tournament is about making shots. Kansas did not make shots, so Kansas did not win. Everyone thought that Kansas was gonna roll through Oregon on their way to the Final Four. And then Kansas was down 18 in the second half. And then Kansas was down 6 with a loose ball in the air that Josh Jackson tipped out of the hands of Frank Mason and into the hands of Jordan Bell. Bill Self will have a hernia when he watches that play whenever he can force himself to watch the game tape. I won’t get into the Bill Self regular season vs tournament narrative. Go on literally any sports media outlet and you will find a story about that. But seriously, Oregon tried to give this game away but the Jayhawks couldn’t take the lid of the basket to the tune of Devonte Graham going 0-7 and Frank Mason going 8-20.
4. Tyler Dorsey really is Mr. March! Dorsey hit contested 3 after contested 3 to keep Kansas at arm’s length. He was great against Rhode Island, great against Michigan, and then he topped it against Kansas. My only gripe with his performance is his post-game interview when he claimed that Oregon had been an underdog for 3 consecutive games. They weren’t against Rhode Island. But that’s just me being petty, congratulations to Dorsey and the Ducks on their first tournament in 78 years. If Gonzaga isn’t the new favorite to win it all, the Ducks are. (Oregon should write a thank you letter to Josh Jackson for picking up 2 fouls in the first two minutes of the game, which threw Kansas out of rhythm and in turn were unable to recover)
5. Florida ran out of magic. They didn’t play bad, they just literally ran out of the magic you need to make a tournament run. Chiozza’s buzzer-beater will be shown in tournament hype videos for decades, but it wasn’t meant to be against the Gamecocks.
6. Defense wins championships, and South Carolina’s defense has got it within 80 minutes of one. (80 minutes of game time appears to be the equivalent of about 27 hours based on some of the tournament games this year) I am so impressed by their defense that I texted a friend who goes to South Carolina and asked if it had been like that all year. She said yes. I also asked if Sindarius Thornwell had played this well all year. She said yes. I think the committee underseeded them, but it doesn’t matter at this point.
7. In the battle of experience against young talent, experience won. North Carolina tried to blow a 71-64 lead with under a minute, but in the end Luke Maye (17 points) completed his career game on the biggest stage with a buzzer beating jumper to take the lead. Malik Monk and De’Aaron Fox came up just short in the thrilling comeback and will head to the NBA after a great season
8. I didn’t think that Florida-Wisconsin could be topped, but it was. Honestly, the game might not have been quite as thrilling, but the stakes (Final Four Berth), the history of the programs (most combined tournament wins by teams playing in an NCAA Tournament game ever), and the rematch factor (Kentucky won 103-100 in December in a game where Malik Monk looked like a more athletic Klay Thompson) pushed it over the top. After a disappointing pair of games Saturday, Sunday made up for it with a couple of thrillers.

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Four One-Sentence Predictions for the Final Four
*If you are still reading this, I’m really appreciative but I also question if you have too much time on your hands.

1. After setting tournament records for viewership during the first weekend, TV ratings will crash in the Final Four thanks to a noticeable lack of big name programs.
2. Gonzaga (1st in defensive efficiency in the country) and South Carolina (2nd) will play the lowest scoring Final Four game in decades.
3. North Carolina’s bigs against Oregon’s guards/wings will be the storyline all week, but Jordan Bell will determine the outcome of the game.
4. North Carolina will play two tight games against Oregon and Gonzaga but in the end, they’ll avenge last year’s heartbreak and raise a banner.

By: Emily Herard

After what was a historic regular season for the Wolverines, Michigan was left out of the NCAA Tournament and will compete in the first round of the WNIT this Thursday at home at 7pm against Kent State. Entering selection Monday with a 22-9 record, Michigan was sitting on the bubble after losing four of its last five games including two losses against Michigan State, with one of those losses coming in the Big Ten Tournament quarterfinals. Despite the slide at the end of the season, the Wolverines were confident that they would slip into the tournament for the first time since the 2012-13 season, however the NCAA selection committee had different thoughts.

Although the Wolverines will be disappointed in their postseason path, going into selection Monday there was a chance they would be excluded from the big dance. Without any major resume building wins in combination with their poor finish, Michigan prevented themselves from solidifying a spot in the tournament. However, the Wolverines did have a tough non-conference schedule with a lot of road games in which they were able to defeat a ranked Gonzaga team to go along with an impressive 14-1 home record. Nevertheless, Michigan was unable to take down the Big Ten’s best in Maryland and Ohio State, lost to MSU twice, and were unable to close out their last regular season game in a close competition against Penn State in Happy Valley.

Despite these reasons, it’s still head-scratching that the Wolverines, number three in the Big Ten and ranked in the top 25 for a good part of the season, have been left out of the NCAA Tournament. Teams with a worse RPI, record and weaker schedules made the tournament over the Wolverines. Overall, the committee seemed to show a lack of respect for the Big Ten, only selecting four Big Ten teams (Maryland, Ohio State, Michigan State, and Purdue). In addition, Maryland was dropped to a three seed despite being ranked No. 4 in the AP Poll.

Although its exclusion from the tournament is a major disappointment, Michigan must remained focused on the positives. Moving forward, this team has tremendous potential. Michigan is a young team with promising talent that will only get better as young players get more experience and become stronger in the off-season.

Now it’s time for the Wolverines to narrow in on one goal: win the WNIT. Even though the WNIT is a consolation tournament, Michigan, who has made deep runs in the WNIT the past three years, believes they are a NCAA Tournament team.  The Wolverines need to prove to themselves and the NCAA that they are in fact an improved and different team. Making it to the semifinals of the WNIT the past two years, Michigan was unable to get over the hump to the finals. This year the Wolverines cannot let their disappointment stop them from winning the WNIT, instead they must use this disappoint as fuel and motivation to push themselves to a new level of success.

Seniors Siera Thompson and Danielle Williams, Kim Barnes Arico’s first recruiting class, wanted to win the Big Ten tournament, put a banner in Crisler, and finally compete in the NCAA tournament. They were unable to accomplish those goals but they still have the ability to do something that has never been done in Michigan women’s basketball history, put a banner of any type in the rafters of Crisler. If the Wolverines can win the WNIT, the banner will be a final accomplishment for the seniors who have helped changed the direction of this basketball program. A WNIT championship banner would represent how far the program has come and remind the team of where they truly want to go.

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             A few weeks ago, the Pistons seemed to be doomed. A trade involving Reggie Jackson seemed imminent and there existed a real chance that SVG was ready to start over with the young roster. Jackson had been struggling, and the Pistons frequently found themselves down double digits early in games, leaving many feeling that there needed to be a change. But the deadline passed, and the Pistons stood pat. Now, as we enter the last month of the regular season, the team is finally resembling the unit that many fans felt they could be this season.
           Late in a game last Thursday night, the Pistons played some of their best basketball all season. The home game against the Cavaliers had the intensity of a playoff game, a rare occurrence at the Palace during the regular season, and the Pistons came out on top 106-101. SVG made the decision to once again start Tobias Harris, and initially it did not help the team overcome their early game woes. The Cavs easily jumped out to a 27-12 lead, behind a few flashy LeBron dunks and many other easy baskets. Then, something happened. Marcus Morris, after signaling to Van Gundy “I got this” during a timeout, lashed out at his teammates and plainly challenged them as men. He told them if they didn’t feel like playing that they should simply go back to the locker room. They responded, as they cut the deficit to seven after the first and actually led by three at the half, although they again went down seven heading into the fourth. Then we got to see what this team really can be when they are clicking. In the last quarter, Reggie Jackson scored 12 of his 21 points, and Andre Drummond (20 points and 16 rebounds on 10/13 shooting on the night) made many important plays, including a magnificent sprawling offensive rebound and put back late in the game. The two teams traded blows for about 4 minutes, and the Pistons held strong, eventually led by a late Reggie jumper to ice it. The team followed it up with a blowout win against the lowly Knicks, in which Tobias started again and scored 23 in the first half and 28 for the night to help the Pistons get back to .500 for the first time since December 16th.
           Now the Pistons face the final stretch of their regular season, as they try to climb up the standings and catch the 6th seeded Pacers, and if things go right, the 5th seeded Hawks. After a 3 games in 4 nights challenge against the Cavs, Jazz, and Raptors, the schedule softens up considerably. Although the Pistons will play 11 games in 18 nights starting tonight against the Cavs, once again, the last 8 games of the 11 are against many subpar teams. Only one of the eight are playoff teams, and matchups against the pathetic Suns, Nets (twice), and Magic loom. Coupled with what now appears to be a healthy Reggie Jackson, the Pistons are setup to start peaking while heading towards the end of the season.
         Reggie has been noticeably quicker, more decisive, and smarter with the basketball than any point this season. He’s also again having a considerable impact in the box score. In his last 5 games, Reggie is averaging 18.6 points and 5.2 assists on 53% shooting and 50% from 3. The Pistons won 4 of the 5, and have gone 12-6 since February 1st, a top 5 record in the league in that period of time. A healthy Reggie has clearly changed how the Pistons operate, and lately his chemistry with Andre on the pick and roll has slowly started to return back to their form of last year. Dre is playing incredibly well of late too, as he has had 15 or more rebounds in 6 of the last 8 games, and has shot 50% or better in 10 of the last 11. It will be interesting to see whether or not Tobias will continue to start, but he will provide a spark no matter when or with whom he plays. Marcus has played inspired basketball the last month and even Stanley Johnson has settled perfectly into his role of defensive menace and slasher. The last key piece for the team is KCP, who has struggled during the same stretch as Reggie has excelled. KCP only has two double digit scoring nights in the last 6, and has two games with 5 points or less. His value on defense cannot be overstated, but for the Pistons to truly reach their potential, the backcourt will need to play well together on offense. He will have his chance to get back on track during the aforementioned easy upcoming schedule, and the Pistons hope he can hit another hot streak like he did a few weeks ago when he helped the Pistons win important games late in the fourth quarter.
           Stan Van Gundy has exclusively made good decisions during his time with the Pistons, and he keeps making them. The decision to trust the roster he assembled has proven to be the correct decision thus far. Reggie is back to the Reggie we knew (and whom some of us loved), Dre is playing like an All-Star again both on the glass and in his offensive role, and everyone else is starting to accept and perfect their roles. Marcus Morris calling out his teammates may, best case, trigger a new passionate attitude for the Pistons, but at the very least it could serve as a catalyst for other players to challenge each other. Stan Van admitted he thought his constant negative attitude might have started to wear on the team, so the way the Pistons responded to a new voice, a voice of a teammate, is not surprising. The next 16 games will decide the Pistons’ playoff fate, and if anything, we know Stan Van is the man to trust with the reins.

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By Morris Fabbri
I don’t know much about college basketball.
Of course, I still filled out a bracket. At this point, it’s just become a Thing People Do, like watching the Super Bowl: a shared, nationwide ritual of obedience to the commercial interests that govern our existence, under the guise of sport. Like the Super Bowl, sometimes the sport that occurs is pretty exciting, too.
It is well established that the tournament is essentially a random number generator, a mess of probabilities and narratives ultimately in thrall to only the basketball gods. Because there is money to be made in the process, people fruitlessly attempt to make sense of the incomprehensible. That’s not going to happen here. Every year, sportswriters and Kenpoms and expert bracketeers across the country prognosticate according to carefully honed algorithms and reasoned observations that end up amounting to little more than piss in the wind. Like centenarians who wake up to breakfasts of cigarettes, bacon, and broken glass, people whose brackets avoid busting, in the end, have fluked their way into success, bolstered by unconventional, baseless rationales and steaming heaps of luck.
I usually opt for the faux expertise afforded by a frenzied exploration of available resources that allows me to click my tongue at the poor fools who haven’t sprinkled in enough 12-5 upsets. Last year, that approach yielded a bracket in the (lowest) 5th percentile nationally. The ridicule from friends and family broke my spirit and turned me into a corncob. So this year, I made my bracket at 12:30AM, on my phone, in bed, hungover from Michigan’s heroics in DC and comatose from my third pizza dinner in five days. Without further ado: my picks, and why I made them.
East Region:
#1 Villanova over #16 MS/NO
It literally says “NO” on the bracket.
#8 Wisconsin over #9 Virginia Tech
From Google: “The official definition of "hokie" is ‘a loyal Virginia Tech Fan’. The HokieBird. The bird is a ‘HokieBird’ which has evolved from a turkey. Virginia Tech teams were once called the ‘gobblers’”. Virginia Tech’s website disputes this claim. From their site: “The origin of the word ‘Hokie’ has nothing to do with a turkey. It was coined by O.M. Stull (class of 1896), who used it in a spirit yell he wrote for a competition.” Either way, Virginia Tech can gobble this L.
#5 Virginia over #12 UNC Wilmington
As head coach names go, “Bony Tennett” is a way better spoonerism than “Kevin Keatts”.
#13 ETSU over #4 Florida
The University of Florida is located in Gainesville. Johnson City, home of the Buccaneers, was briefly renamed “Haynesville” during the Civil War. Both names sound similar; Haynesville conjures up images of underpants whereas Gainesville conjures up images of dudes who mainline protein powder.
#6 SMU over #11 Providence/USC
I’m way too lazy to wait and pick a play-in team.
#14 New Mexico State over #3 Baylor
Karma.
#7 South Carolina over #10 Marquette
South Carolina’s most recent loss came to the Alabama Crimson Tide; Marquette to the Seton Hall Pirates. If both teams learned from their mistakes... well, if you can handle a tide, you can handle pirates easily.
#2 Duke over #15 Troy
Troy’s mascot is named “T-Roy”.


West Region:
#1 Gonzaga over #16 South Dakota St.
I was once destroyed in a game of NBA 2k by Nate Wolters, and I still haven’t gotten over it.
#9 Vanderbilt over #8 Northwestern
Vanderbilt is always a letdown in March, and they’re coached by Scott Drew's brother, Bryce. If NCAA tournament struggles are genetic, all the blueprints for a first-round loss are there. And yet… Northwestern is still Northwestern.
#5 Notre Dame over #12 Princeton
Princeton doesn’t even run the Princeton offense. Posers.
#6 West Virginia over #11 Bucknell
Bucknell's mascot is the Bison. Bison don’t live in Pennsylvania, to my knowledge. Posers.
#11 Xavier over #6 Maryland
Xavier coach Chris Mack is way more active and fun on social media than his Maryland counterpart, Mark Turgeon. This shows an attention to detail that’ll give Xavier the edge.
#3 FSU over #14 FGCU
You’ve gotta wonder how these two teams from Florida ended up in the West Region, but I trust that FSU’s got the battle-tested big-game chops to handle an exotic neutral site out in (checks schedule) Orlando.
#7 Saint Mary’s over #10 VCU
2016 was very kind to Matthew Dellavedova. His run of good fortune continues.
#2 Arizona over #15 North Dakota
An intriguing matchup between two storied programs with seven combined Final Fours between them. Unfortunately for North Dakota, their 3 Final Four berths came in Division II. North Dakota coach Brian Jones comes from UCLA coach Steve Alford’s coaching tree; with tensions high between Arizona coach Sean Miller and Alford after an altercation during the Pac-12 tournament, look for Miller to run up the score on Jones out of pure pettiness.


Midwest Region:
#1 Kansas over #16 NC Central/UC Davis
As famed rapper Kansas once said:
“Carry on my wayward son
Beat 16 seeds and move on”
#9 Michigan State over #8 Miami
Michigan State has played more recently than Miami, offering them an advantage too steep for the Hurricanes to overcome.
#5 Iowa State over #12 Nevada
Strong Ewing Theory potential in Fred Hoiberg’s first year away from the Cyclones.
#13 Vermont over #4 Purdue
I was a big Bernie guy.
#11 URI over #6 Creighton
I got nothing.
#3 Oregon over #14 Iona
Iona only exists to be crapped on by low-number seeds.
#7 Michigan over #10 Oklahoma State
Michigan surviving a plane crash and winning the Big Ten Tourney only to fall in the first round would just be too much of an anticlimax. Also, T. Boone Pickens is a jackass.
#2 Louisville over #15 Jacksonville St.
To keep this column PG, I won’t be making a joke about Rick Pitino and the number 15.


South Region:
#1 UNC over #16 Texas Southern
We may exist in only one of an infinite number of universes with infinite possibilities. In this one, however, a 16 seed has never beaten a 1 seed in the first round.
#9 Seton Hall over #8 Arkansas
You see that video of Angel Delgado after the Pirates' Big East tournament loss to Villanova? Seton Hall’s not losing to Bret Bielema after that.
#12 Middle Tennessee State over #5 Minnesota
Gotta have a 12-5. I also owe MTSU an eternal debt of gratitude, which I will consider paid with this pick.
#4 Butler over #13 Winthrop
You know that thing I said about Iona above? It applies to Winthrop as well.
#11 WF/KS over #6 Cincinnati
Cincinnati is absolutely hellish to navigate. As an aside, are Mick Cronin and Chris Mack the same person? Either way, screw the entire state of Ohio.
#3 UCLA over #14 Kent State
The college portion of the Lavar/Lonzo Ball saga will end hilariously, but on a bigger stage than this.
#10 Wichita State over #7 Dayton
Dayton comes in as the 28th-ranked team in college basketball. Wichita State is a borderline 3 seed according to Kenpom. If you’ve been on the internet at all in the past month, you’d understand why those numbers would cause trepidation. Is that a bit of a stretch? Yeah, but I’d like to see you try to write up 32 games.
#2 Kentucky over #15 Northern Kentucky
Northern Kentucky mailed in their mascot (The Norsemen), essentially calling themselves the North men. That’s somehow even lamer than the Wildcats.

By: Dalton Potocki

Rod Serling. A name that most people my age (22, yea I drink) would not recognize. A lot of people my parents’ age (49 and 47, respectively. They also drink. Mom not so much, but every now and again she will have a margarita) might not recognize. But to those who do know that god-forsaken name, they know that Rod Serling was the baddest son-of-a-bitch to ever walk the Earth.
 
Who is Rod Serling? Simply put, the man was the creator and narrator of “The Twilight Zone”, a Sci-Fi TV series that aired from 1959-1964. It put people in different situations, in which they cant explain how they got there, and most of these situations are social commentaries that use the guise of television to offer critiques.
 
A valid question is, how does being the writer of a TV show make you the meanest SOB on the planet? Well let me put it to you this way. Say you are walking down the street. You’re just minding your own business, maybe on your way to meet a special somebody for lunch. Then, next thing you know, you’re transported to a Middle American town in the 1950’s. You don’t know how you got there, you don’t know where you’re at, and you are completely clueless on how to get home. I don’t know where you’re at or how you’re going to get home either, but I know how you got there. Rod. Serling.
 
I don’t know how Rod does it. Is he black magic? Is he a superior alien race with advanced technology? Like I said, I don’t know how, but I do know that any time some poor sap gets put in the Twilight Zone, that mother fucker Serling is right in the center of the shot. Sitting there with a smug look on his face, telling the audience at home what’s going to happen to our unsuspecting protagonist. He doesn’t explain why someone is designated to be the one placed in a living hell.
 
Rod Serling has put people in the Twilight Zone 156 times. 156! With no remorse. Serling may have died in 1975 but his transgressions among humanity need to be noted. To put in perspective, Jeff Dahmer (not the one with an O*) killed 17 people; Rod Serling damned 156 to an eternal hell.

*Bonus points if you understood "The Ringer" reference. 
 
 

By Daniel Thompson
Lincoln, NE -- Michigan men’s basketball came to play on Sunday, even if they could have gotten away with a day off. Even with a loss, Michigan was probably safely in the NCAA tournament, and a win would not greatly improve their resume. After finding themselves on the wrong side of madness on Wednesday against Northwestern, this matchup against Nebraska was the consolation prize of the two game road trip. Despite coming off possibly their most demoralizing loss of the season and having their Big Ten tourney seeding determined before tip off, the Wolverines refocused on the game ahead of them rather than March Madness speculation. Meanwhile, Nebraska had a chance to improve their Big Ten tournament seeding from 12th to 10th and had an opportunity to send lone senior Tai Webster out in style on senior night. Still, Michigan looked like the team whose season was on the line.

After surrendering a 2-0 lead on Nebraska’s first possession, Michigan flew out of the gate with three three pointers and a Muhammad Ali Abdur-Rahkman dunk on the Wolverines’ first five possessions. The tone was set for the rest of the night, as Michigan never allowed Nebraska to think about staging a comeback. By the end of the second half, Michigan’s bench was frequently louder than the crowd at Pinnacle Bank Arena. While Michigan could’ve gotten away with a half-hearted performance in Lincoln, the team came out energetic on both sides of the ball and was clearly excited to be playing basketball in the now, free of any tournament distractions.

The Wolverines’ sensational stat line while shooting the ball jumps out as the most impressive aspect of their game last night. Connecting on 63% of their field goals, 52% of their three point attempts, and 79% of their free throws, Michigan’s greatest strength was on full display. Five different Wolverines hit multiples three pointers, making this offense a nightmare to guard for any team. Not to be overshadowed by his team’s accuracy, Derrick Walton Jr. set a Michigan men’s basketball record with a sensational 16 assists. However, the offense should not be the lone storyline for this game. In January Michigan defeated the Huskers in Ann Arbor by a tally of 91-85. With this in mind, Sunday’s 93-57 win serves as a testimony to how far this team has come defensively. Since a 85-69 loss in Champaign to Illinois on January 11, Michigan has allowed over 70 points just once, in an 83-78 OT loss in Minnesota. With an offense that turns the ball over less than any other team and that has been shooting as well as anyone in the country, Michigan’s newfound identity will allow them to compete with any team in the tournament.

Perhaps most importantly, Michigan picked up its third road win of the season. While not a win that will stand out on their resume, the lack of easy road games on Michigan’s schedule is largely to blame for their poor road record. Last night’s dominant display showed that Michigan is not dependent on a home crowd. Nebraska even beat regular season champs Purdue in Lincoln this year, adding to the value of this win on Michigan’s resume. For now, Michigan must prepare for a noon Thursday matchup with 9th-seeded Illinois in the Big Ten tournament. The winner of that matchup will move on to play Purdue. Michigan has beaten every team ranked higher than them, besides Northwestern and Minnesota, and both of those games were a possession away from a different outcome. A Big Ten tournament title is a perfectly reasonable goal for this team. A strong conference tournament performance could land The Wolverines in the conversation for a sixth or seventh seed and make them a top pick for being a bracket buster. But right now, Michigan has been playing as if they’re not concerned with the committee. This team is taking it game by game. They’re on to Illinois.