By: Bogart Lipe
Andre Drummond, who is playing like if a lovechild between Shaquille O’Neal and Steve Nash existed, can shoot free throws now. To celebrate, we’ll have an article every week whose length is based on Andre’s free throw percentage. For example, 0.500 from the line calls for a 500 word article, 0.700 is a 700 word article, and so on. So here we go. Andre Drummond is shooting 0.618 from the free throw line, so here are 618 words on the Pistons’ week.
Okay so stay with me here.
Yesterday was an absolutely miserable day. Hours after the University of Michigan men’s basketball team lost in the final (a loss that has, to put it lightly, Tombstone Piledriven me emotionally), I had to walk to classes in the pouring rain. And somehow, the powers at be decided to task Ann Arbor with a 35 degree day while also throwing a thunderstorm our way. So that was amusing. The weather was miserable. I was/am miserable. The campus in general was miserable. So I’m vulnerable right now.
Okay so stay with me here.
The Pistons currently sit 4.5 games out of the playoff picture in the East. There are 5 Pistons games left to play. The Pistons will need to win out, which would result in them ending the regular season on a 10 (!!!) game win streak. This is a highly unreasonable thing to believe in. Not that the schedule is increasingly difficult, because it is not. The remaining games are against the Sixers, Mavericks, Grizzlies, Raptors, and Bulls. It screams 2-3 or 3-2. I realize this. But I am vulnerable right now.
Okay so stay with me here.
The team that is the only mathematically viable option for the Pistons to overtake in the standings is the Bucks. They sit 4.5 games ahead of the Pistons with 4 to play. Coupled with the aforementioned Totally About to Happen 5 Game Pistons Win Streak to end the season, the Bucks would need to finish the season 0-4 against the Nets, Knicks, Magic, and Sixers. This is, you guessed it, another highly unreasonable thing to believe in. So we now have a couple highly unreasonable, if not completely irrational, things to believe in that could combine and allow the Pistons to somehow make the playoffs. But I am vulnerable right now.
Okay so stay with me here.
Fresh sports wounds are the absolute worst. There’s an emptiness. And there’s no way to really fill this emptiness. So you get desperate. I am now desperate in addition to the previously mentioned vulnerability. This is admittedly a toxic mix. Believe me, I know this. But here we go.
Okay so stay with me here.
I’m now all in on the Pistons making an out-of-this-world, impossible comeback to make the playoffs. I will now be reverting back to watching the Pistons play games in full, which I haven’t done in dozens of days. I will root hard for Reggie Jackson to continue his stellar play (stellar play as according to my Pistons notifications, as I haven’t watched and as such do not know for a fact that he has played stellar). I will follow the Bucks’ end to their regular season. And I know I will be disappointed. I understand this. I understand that by later this week the Pistons may absolutely be eliminated from playoff contention. But my basketball heart is desperate and I’ve been left no choice. I’m already heartbroken. At this point, any additional heartbreak wouldn’t register very much more than what I am already at. I’m playing with house money. If/when the Pistons get eliminated for good, I’ll be sad. But this is the expected result. But if they come back and make the playoffs? And if they draw the Raptors in the first round? And then beat the Raptors in the first round? Now that would be fun.
But later on tonight, when the Pistons are officially out of the postseason, I will go back to ultimate sulking. But at this very moment, I have the slightest of hopes that the Pistons will pull off the unimaginable.
And this is a ludicrous thing to believe in.
But again, I am vulnerable.
*Image credit: https://www.detroitbadboys.com/2018/2/21/17038278/reggie-jackson-enters-next-phase-of-recovery-pistons-ankle-sprain-injury *
Okay so stay with me here.
Yesterday was an absolutely miserable day. Hours after the University of Michigan men’s basketball team lost in the final (a loss that has, to put it lightly, Tombstone Piledriven me emotionally), I had to walk to classes in the pouring rain. And somehow, the powers at be decided to task Ann Arbor with a 35 degree day while also throwing a thunderstorm our way. So that was amusing. The weather was miserable. I was/am miserable. The campus in general was miserable. So I’m vulnerable right now.
Okay so stay with me here.
The Pistons currently sit 4.5 games out of the playoff picture in the East. There are 5 Pistons games left to play. The Pistons will need to win out, which would result in them ending the regular season on a 10 (!!!) game win streak. This is a highly unreasonable thing to believe in. Not that the schedule is increasingly difficult, because it is not. The remaining games are against the Sixers, Mavericks, Grizzlies, Raptors, and Bulls. It screams 2-3 or 3-2. I realize this. But I am vulnerable right now.
Okay so stay with me here.
The team that is the only mathematically viable option for the Pistons to overtake in the standings is the Bucks. They sit 4.5 games ahead of the Pistons with 4 to play. Coupled with the aforementioned Totally About to Happen 5 Game Pistons Win Streak to end the season, the Bucks would need to finish the season 0-4 against the Nets, Knicks, Magic, and Sixers. This is, you guessed it, another highly unreasonable thing to believe in. So we now have a couple highly unreasonable, if not completely irrational, things to believe in that could combine and allow the Pistons to somehow make the playoffs. But I am vulnerable right now.
Okay so stay with me here.
Fresh sports wounds are the absolute worst. There’s an emptiness. And there’s no way to really fill this emptiness. So you get desperate. I am now desperate in addition to the previously mentioned vulnerability. This is admittedly a toxic mix. Believe me, I know this. But here we go.
Okay so stay with me here.
I’m now all in on the Pistons making an out-of-this-world, impossible comeback to make the playoffs. I will now be reverting back to watching the Pistons play games in full, which I haven’t done in dozens of days. I will root hard for Reggie Jackson to continue his stellar play (stellar play as according to my Pistons notifications, as I haven’t watched and as such do not know for a fact that he has played stellar). I will follow the Bucks’ end to their regular season. And I know I will be disappointed. I understand this. I understand that by later this week the Pistons may absolutely be eliminated from playoff contention. But my basketball heart is desperate and I’ve been left no choice. I’m already heartbroken. At this point, any additional heartbreak wouldn’t register very much more than what I am already at. I’m playing with house money. If/when the Pistons get eliminated for good, I’ll be sad. But this is the expected result. But if they come back and make the playoffs? And if they draw the Raptors in the first round? And then beat the Raptors in the first round? Now that would be fun.
But later on tonight, when the Pistons are officially out of the postseason, I will go back to ultimate sulking. But at this very moment, I have the slightest of hopes that the Pistons will pull off the unimaginable.
And this is a ludicrous thing to believe in.
But again, I am vulnerable.
*Image credit: https://www.detroitbadboys.com/2018/2/21/17038278/reggie-jackson-enters-next-phase-of-recovery-pistons-ankle-sprain-injury *
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