Going into this year, like every year, I am cautiously optimistic. I think that Bob Quinn did a nice job in the draft/free agency and addressed some holes, such as those on the offensive line. The receiving corps took a big hit with the loss of CJ, but Marvin Jones is no scrub. I do think that with Golden, Jones, and Anquan, the Lions could have a top 10 receiving corps. The running back situation scares me though. Riddick is awesome out of the backfield as a receiver, but I’m not sure how well he does between the tackles and Abdullah can hold on to the ball about as long as I can hold the interest of a girl at Skeeps*. The defense is where I think we can surprise a lot of people. The D-Line is deep, Slay is a top 10 corner, Levy is back, and Glover is a beast at safety. Also, if you’re reading this and don’t really know me, I’m a pro-Stafford guy. I know he isn’t the top tier of NFL QBs, but damn it, he is the best QB in Lions history.
- Week 1 @ Indy: Gotta get this off my chest: Andrew Luck is bad. If I had to pick a QB to win 1 game for me I’m going Stafford 9 days a week. Lions get one on the road. Record: 1-0
- Week 2 vs Titans: Home opener for the 313. I’ll probably be there, so there is a great chance that they lose, but I just don’t see Mariotta as being developed enough to win, or that Tennessee secondary being anything but Swiss cheese. Record: 2-0
- Week 3 @ Green Bay: I’m glad this game is being played early in the year, because it helps our chances, but it’s the Lions in Wisconsin. Not a winning combo. Record: 2-1
- Week 4 @ Chicago: This is the game that sets the tone for the season. Win, and it could be a good year. Lose, and look out for an early Dalton heart attack. Doubling down on what I said earlier, it’s going to be a good year. Record: 3-1
- Week 5 vs Eagles: Lions will probably find a way to mess this one up. Record: 3-2
- Week 6 vs Rams: Jeff Fisher will come in at 4-1 and that’s a little too close to having a winning record on the year. He picks up a loss in Detroit to get closer to his signature 8-8 season. Record: 4-2
- Week 7 vs Washington: My first thought upon seeing this one on the schedule: “No way, no how Kirk Cousins comes in and beats the Lions in Detroit.” On paper the Lions are a better overall team. Then again, they are the Lions. Skins win. Record: 4-3
- Week 8 @ Houston: After a humiliating outing against Washington, the Lions come back on the road and give every single fan a glimmer of hope of what they can be. Record: 5-3
- Week 9 @ Vikings: No Bridgewater means the Lions can load the box up and try to stop AP. This is assuming that Sam Bradford is hurt by week 9, which is almost a lock. Record: 6-3
- Week 10 Bye: Can’t mess this up, right? Right?
- Week 11 vs Jax: Jags will actually be good this year and will Jagg Off too much for the Lions to stop them. (Editor’s note: boooooo) Record: 6-4
- Week 12 vs Vikings: Sam Bradford: still hurt and still the most highly valued China Doll in the world. Record: 7-4
- Week 13 @ NO: Lions not only lose this one but they look pathetic doing it. This is a game where the Stafford H8erz come out and rip on him. Record: 7-5
- Week 14 vs Bears: Lions need this one. They’ll be at home, against an inferior opponent, and in the middle of the wild card race. They surprise everyone and win this one, guaranteeing them a non-losing season for the 4th time this century. Record: 8-5.
- Week 15 @ Giants: Eli makes a bunch of weird faces and throws a half dozen near-picks, but still manages to shred the Lions’ secondary. Slay tries his best, but OBJ is too good of a wideout to stop. Record: 8-6
- Week 16 @ Dallas: Romo actually makes his first start of the season when rookie phenom Dak Prescott sustains a finger injury trying to operate on a mosquito. Lions feast on a feeble Dallas D. Record: 9-6
- Week 17 vs Green Bay: Lions get Matt Flynned by whoever is Rodgers’ back up. Disapointing loss, because this is probably one of those games where they could have sealed their playoff fate. Record: 9-7
- Detroit does make it into the playoffs, but they don’t get that victory that this fan base so sorely needs. In typical Lions fashion, they don’t really do anything, but they do just enough to get another mid-round draft pick and keep Caldwell/Stafford around. Left unstable from the Week 17 Packers loss, I finally suffer that heart attack after an uncalled hold on Ziggy leads to a go-ahead touchdown in the 4th quarter of the inevitable playoff defeat.